Hope

I stumbled on an incredible book which I recommend everyone reads.  The Hope Quotient by Ray Johnston.  Talk about uplifting!  The voice which Mr. Johnston writes is easy to follow and entertaining.  He throws in humor and doses of reality just when I felt myself getting lost in the clouds.  He takes a very lofty subject and makes it applicable to every day experiences.  No matter what your mindset when you pick up this book, I guarantee you will find something that moves you.  I found I wanted to just read and soak it all up initially.  Then there were so many different ideas that sprang to mind, I had to put it down and go get paper and pen!  Of course I could not think it all out at once, so I wrote down main ideas I want to spend more time on… soon!

HOPE.

Such a short, simple word.  It packs a lot of punch!  Without it, all can seem lost.  One of the aspects of depression that continues to amaze me and others who have shared their personal situations with me, is that when we get “down” hope goes right out the window.  No matter how much hope was present the day before.  It can suddenly feel like ages since you had any at all.

That is how powerful hope can be.

One of my personal goals after reading The Hope Quotient is to cultivate more hope in my daily life.  Being realistic about this, I know some days will be much easier than others.  Yet I could not think of one thing that I do want to accomplish, or simply complete (like getting baby photo albums completed for my 10 and 12 year olds!) that hope does not play a role.

So why not grow it?

Recently, my international business communications students had to share a commercial that spoke to them personally.  I was overcome by the powerful messages they chose to share.  Even if I could not understand what was verbally spoken, I could understand the message in actions.  This one particular video stood out as being very humane to me.  I saved it knowing I would someday share it on this site.  As I reviewed it for this post, I could not let go of the potential for hope.  (You may want to grab a tissue before starting the video.)

http://youtu.be/7s22HX18wDY

Whether our hope is cultivated within ourselves or gained as a gift by the actions of others, we all need it.  We need it for ourselves.  And we need to offer it to one another.

Our For Get FULL of Gratitude questions for this week are simple:

What do you hope for?

What are you doing to make that come true?

Find a way.  Take one step.  Then take another.  Each of us can do it.  We just need… HOPE.

Hopefully,

Michelle

 

 

Honest Answer

How often do we automatically reply, “Fine.”  when someone asks how we are?

Have you ever caught yourself saying it then realizing the person only said, “Hi.” and did not add, “How’s it going?”  It’s like you automatically blended “hi, fine” together as one word.  I know I have!

How weird does it seem when someone gives you a different answer?  We’ve become so generic in our greetings that if someone veers off the traditional, “Hi,” we stop dead in our tracks.  You can hear the needle scratching on the record or the CD jumping over the verse (depending on what generation you are from!)  All goes silent for a split second.  What did they just say? you ask yourself.  Our auto pilot mode didn’t register the response correctly.  Any other answer than “fine” just sounds weird.  It is one of our social norms we’ve become accustomed to.

This morning I got an honest answer from a friend.  OK, we glossed over the “Hi/fine” stage and quickly moved to other topics.  I asked about a personal project she has been working hard on. Initially she hesitated, then gave the honest truth.  “I’m frustrated.  A bit stuck and just…tired maybe? I’m not sure if that is the right word…”  Without even knowing all she has gone through, I could understand.

Another friend walked up and we moved onto other topics.  Then as we parted, I wished her luck finishing up the project.  Her automatic response was one with a little bit of embarrassment, “Well, I’m sure you did not want all that information I gave you but… thanks!”

“I don’t mind the details you gave.  I appreciate you sharing!”  I replied.  (And it gave me the fuel for this post!)

Receiving an honest answer, especially one that doesn’t paint a perfect, rosy picture, can be very refreshing.  We get a peek into someone else’s world.  Honest responses reveal feelings that we typically tend to hide.  Listening to my friend this morning made me realize how reassuring it can be when someone else admits to a problem or shares negative emotions.  Now I am not suggesting we air all our dirty laundry to each other.  Or share every detail to strangers when they say “Hello.”  You are going to have to decide for yourself whom you might feel comfortable and trust to give an honest response to at some point.

But it made me realize how we generally try to paint the pretty picture.  We don’t want to come across as negative.  Or moody.  We don’t want to seem ungrateful or selfish.  My friend simply stated how she was feeling with her project.  What’s wrong with that?  NOTHING!  I actually felt FULL of Gratitude that she opened up and shared briefly.

This Week’s For Getting FULL of Gratitude thoughts to ponder…

• When was the last time you heard someone give a reply other than “fine”?
• Did you probe a little more or listen to what else they needed to share?
• How about for yourself –  When was the last time you told someone honestly how you were doing when asked?
• Find a time, when someone asks how you are, to really share how you are feeling.  Give the honest answer.

You may be surprised at the response.  Perhaps they will offer a solution.  A suggestion.  Or just words of encouragement that you need to hear at that moment.  Wouldn’t that be worth it?

I hope you have a week For Getting FULL of Gratitude!

Michelle

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Pink is my favorite color.  Soft, light pink is my absolute favorite.  Yet all shades of pink, especially when they are paired together, make me happy.  When they are used to acknowledge breast cancer, well that is even better!

October has officially  become “Breast Cancer Awareness Month” We see pink everywhere!  The grocery stores, retail stores, NFL teams, TV show hosts, political events, business offices, etc.   I love all the pink!  And all the random places it pops up to support breast cancer.  It is amazing!

It wasn’t always like this.  Prior to the 80’s, women were afraid, embarrassed and ashamed to discuss things “wrong” with their breasts.

 Look at us now, Ladies!  

We have come a long way on this front too!

How many of you have a friend or two who will discuss her boobies, make jokes about her hooters or even openly discuss her breast cancer treatment with you?  It is much more commonplace now and for that I am very grateful.  Even men have become much more aware and willing to discuss this issue (they have too!  This disease affects some of their favorite toys!  And they have had to deal with women they love fighting this disease.).

Breast cancer has affected many people in my life.  My mom, mother-in-law and step-mom have all fought the battle.  My sister-in-law just finished treatment (and is such a strong woman she made the whole ordeal appear like it was not big deal yet I know it was serious).  Friends have gone through treatment and numerous acquaintances have shared their trials and tribulations dealing with breast cancer in their lives.  It seems like this has become the female bonding disease; women go out of their way to support and encourage each other when one of their sisters is fighting the brave battle.

All this “awareness” started with a promise between two blood sisters.  Thirty four years ago, Nancy promised her dying sister, Susan, she would find a cure for breast cancer.  Since then, the Susan G. Komen organization has grown into the largest non-profit source for funding breast cancer research.  It is often hard to think about breast cancer without adding the name Susan G. Komen and the color pink.  Put all three aspects together and we have more global awareness than ever.  That is amazing!

Recent facts from The American Cancer Society state:

• More than 2.9 million US women with a history of breast cancer were alive on January 1, 2013.  Some of these women were cancer-free, while others still had evidence of cancer and may have been undergoing treatment.
• In 2013, an estimated 232,340 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed among women,
• In 2013, approximately 39,620 women are expected to die from breast cancer

While 39,620 is a much smaller number than 232,340, that is still too many women passing.  Much progress has been made, yes, but more still needs to be done.

For the past 5 years, I have participated in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk, and every year I hear a heartbreaking story about someone who has died from this disease.  One year is was the Navy Seal who had lost his wife.  He and his buddy were doing the walk in “full gear” with backpacks weighing about 70 lbs!  When I finally caught up to him to offer condolences, I was amazed how supportive and complimentary he was to all us female walkers.  “Walking 3 Days like this is harder than things I have done.” he said.  (I don’t believe him & am grateful he does what he does to keep us safe!).  One year it was a husband who had lost his wife and was walking in her memory.  At the last minute, his grown son and daughter surprised him and joined him on the walk.  Then there was the 80 year old grandma walking with her granddaughter in memory of their daughter/mother.  You just can’t help feeling touched when surrounded by people who want to help end breast cancer.  The stories are amazing.

I am grateful so many people are more aware of this disease.  I am grateful it is no big deal seeing a bald woman out and about.  You know what I mean.  How many times have you seen a lady with a beanie or scarf tied on her head and you figure she is dealing with breast cancer?  See?  It is more of an every day occurrence than we realize.   I hope she no longer feels isolated or alone.  I hope she feels compassion, support and love from many sources.  When I see women in this situation,  I it is a positive sign.  We have learned more about breast cancer and understand treatments needed to fight it off.

The Susan G. Komen organization may have been formed out of sisterly love, yet I believe it continues on today due to compassionate humanity.  There is still work to be done, research and cures to discover.  While we can celebrate the progress and successes, we still need to fight.

Our For Getting FULL of Gratitude Questions to Ponder this week:

How has breast cancer touched your life?

Who can you offer love and support to as they go through treatment?

What aspect of your health do you want to be more grateful for?

Join me in October & enjoy the pink!  It is all around us!  Take action and do something to support breast cancer awareness:

• make a meal for someone going through treatment
• find a walk to participate in
• support someone else raising funds to do the 3 Day walk themselves (each participant has to raise a minimum of $2,300)
• Or donate to me!

I didn’t plan on asking for financial support in this post yet doing the 3 Day walk for 5 years now has decreased my embarrassment asking for donations!  If you desire, go to:  www.the3day.org.  Click “Donate” and enter “Michelle Cruz”. (You may have to click on “San Diego” too.)

Any amount is greatly appreciated!  We WILL find a cure.

FULL of pink gratitude this week,

Michelle

A Good Dentist Is Hard to Find

A good dentist is hard to find.  There is a variety of adverse reactions people have when going to the dentist.  Even though it technically only has to be twice a year, many people avoid the dentist office like the plague.

Not me.  I like my dentist.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t go skipping into his office full of glee.  I have caught myself gripping the arms of the chair tensely for no reason more than once.   With my sensitive teeth, there have been a few times when a nerve was innocently tapped.  Yet my dentist and his team’s memory of my quirky mouth has been remarkable.  They seem to go out of their way to remember things about my teeth as well as my family.

My husband has gone to this dentist since he was 13 years old.  He is now 48.  I started going about six years ago.  Not only is the dentist nice, everyone on his staff is wonderful.  All four of them have been together as a tight knit team for almost 33 years.  And it shows.  They work seamlessly together, or at least that is my perspective from the reclined chair position!

My husband always talks fondly of this man.  The dentist raised two boys.  We are raising two boys.  His wife’s name is Michelle.  My name is Michelle.  He likes to go on trips to the mountains.  My husband likes to go on trips to the mountains.  My quiet husband, actually looks forward to going to see the dentist so he can find out details from the latest trip or plans for a future one.  My husband has shared photos from our trips and commiserated with the dentist about camping with young children when they can’t hike as far as he wants or handle some aspect of the outdoors until they grow older.  I think the dentist offers my husband reassurance the boys will grow into more of the activities he likes to do since that is what happened with the dentists’ sons.  These two guys are kindred spirits when it comes to being in the outdoors.

It is hard to explain how you can feel so close to a dentist, and his team.  Yet we do.  Both my husband and I.  Like I said, you see them twice a year yet sometimes those are the best visits putting things into perspective.  A lot can change in six months.  Priorities shift, work stress can change or the kids are in a totally new phase of maturing.   Having one of these people ask about what was happening six months ago, during the last visit, can help shine the light of progress  on situations.  We often get so caught up in the day to day details that we loose sight of the bigger picture.  When visiting the dentist, they ask how things have been going and it gives me a chance to reflect on changes I might have overlooked.

Yesterday I found out our dentist is retiring.  The nerve of him!  Humph!

No, seriously, we are very happy for him and his team.  They have all worked hard for many years.  Hopefully they can all enjoy other aspects of their lives now.

This is the third dentist I have had in my life.  Know what happened with the other two?  They retired!  Is it harassment to ask the age of my next dentist before I let them examine my teeth?  Or to see a copy of their projected business plan as to how long they tend to be in business?

Today I realized this is just another area in our lives where change in occurring.  We will deal with it and move on.

Yet I want this dentist and his team to know they have meant a lot to my husband and I.  We will miss their great service, warm smiles and that wonderful feeling of zesty clean teeth when leaving their office!  This post is in honor of their 33 years of commitment to our mouths and hearts.  They will all be missed and thought of fondly for years to come.

Your Questions to Ponder For Getting FULL of Gratitude:

• Are you due for a trip to the dentist?  (Couldn’t resist!)
• What relationships in your life have lasted longer than ten years?
• Why do you value this relationship?
• When was the last time you said or showed that person how much the relationship means to you?

Gratefully,

Michelle

Like a good neighbor…

Ever start out doing something because you think it will help another person and in the end it is YOU who benefitted the most?  Well that is the focus of this week’s post.  I started out asking my elderly neighbor, Mr. Smith, (name changed to protect the innocent man who has no idea how much I think about him!) if he had Easter plans.  The day before the Spirit moved me to think of him out of the blue and extend an invitation.  When I saw him the very next morning, I pounced!  After all, it had been almost a month since I had seen him outside which is when I typically approach and chat him up for a few minutes.  There he was.  So I asked.  And he said, “I’d love to come.”

For a bit of background on this relationship.

It began five years ago when I noticed the ambulance outside his home.  

That is rarely a good sign, right?  

I had seen Mrs. Smith with a head covering identical to one my mom wore when going through chemotherapy.  Not wanting to jump to negative conclusions I said a quick prayer hoping good health and peace for her and went about my business.  That was awhile ago.  So as I approached the house with an ambulance parked outside, my mind began racing.  A paramedic was just coming out the front door.  I identified myself as a neighbor and asked if they needed someone to watch the house or lock up.  For all I knew they were taking Mr. Smith or his wife to the hospital.  The paramedic politely informed me, “Everyone is ok.” and gave me a look that I took to say, “Beat is nosey lady!”

Several months later, on a random day, I noticed all the cars in front of the house.  One car with out of state plates remained for days.  Mrs. Smith had passed away.  I didn’t even know her but I felt sad for Mr. Smith.  It took me months to work up the courage to offer my condolences.  It was just something I felt compelled to do.  Finally one morning as I walked back from taking my boys to school, he was out in the front yard trimming his roses.  I had admired these plants for years so I stopped and complimented him on them.  After some casual conversation I brought up the subject.  I let him know that even though we had not spoken before, I noticed his loss and kept an eye out for him in general.  He was very touched.

Over the next few years we would chat maybe once every 3-4 months.  I mentioned I would like to have him over for dinner but the timing just never seemed right.

This Easter it all came together.

Mr. Smith has two grown children who live in the area.  Now please don’t get me wrong, they are not bad people who neglect their elderly father.  In fact, when he and I do talk, he updates me on their doings and shares how they have just been by to see him.  For their own reasons, they had not yet asked him about Easter.  So he was free to come to my house!  (I took that as another sign this was simple meant to be at this moment.)

What a gift he turned out to be!  Mr. Smith touched everyone in my

family during our shared meal!  

He is a retired art teacher.  My mom, who was also over for Easter brunch, recently retired from teaching.  As I put finishing touches on our meal, they talked non-stop about education and past teaching experiences.  Later that night Mom called and told me how much she enjoyed talking with Mr. Smith.  My husband, who is usually not as social as I am (in fact he rolls his eyes when I share how I talked with another neighbor or did something “crazy” like speak to a stranger!) continued to sit at the table and listen to Mr. Smith too.  My sons also benefitted.  While they did not want to listen as much as the grown up did, they practiced their good manners, saw how easy it is to be polite and helped clear Mr. Smith’s dishes for him.  (It is always interesting to me as a parent to witness how my sons act in certain situations; especially pleasant ones where they surprise me! You know what I’m talking about!)

The simple invitation to share Easter brunch turned out to be a lovely experience for all of us.  By being a good neighbor, I thought I was helping Mr. Smith.  Yet he is the one who truly helped my by touching my heart.  He reminded me we all go through ups and downs in life.  We all want the best for our family.  I took comfort in his experience and yes, his age- he has made it!  He survived.  So when I think things are so “bad,” I can make it too. I can survive.  “This too shall pass…”

Our Forgetful Gratitude Question of the week is:  

Who do you have in your life, be it a neighbor, co-worker or someone at church that you have wondered about?  

When was the last time you approached a stranger and wished them well being?  Or gave someone a compliment just because you thought of it?  Try it this week.  You might be pleasantly surprised by the positive benefits as I was sharing Easter brunch with Mr. Smith.  While you begin with hoping to help, or touch another person’s life, you may be the recipient of the positive blessings!

Gratefully,

Michelle