Cancer Film

I would not normally choose to watch a film about cancer.  That just doesn’t sound fun.  Give me Grey’s Anatomy or The Big Bang Theory any day before cancer.  So why now?

Hope.

Information.

Progress.

Each of these thoughts raced through my head as I finished watching the trailer for a new Ken Burns documentary.  The title is Cancer, The Emperor of all Maladies.  Ken Burns is well-known for his PBS documentaries such as The Roosevelt’s, The Dust Bowl and Baseball, the Tenth Inning to name a few.  His personal words at the beginning of the movie trailer were startling.  He just knew something was wrong with his mother when he was as young as age 2 or 3.  Wow.  I felt compelled to share this upcoming film and information.

Cancer affects so many people.  I bet each of you reading this right now can name at least one person in your life who is battling cancer.  Perhaps you can name more than one.  Or the people in the past who have passed away due to cancer.  These are not thoughts we turn our attention towards with light hearts.

Yet there has been significant progress made in the treatment of cancer.  We typically don’t learn about these things until we are forced to, which often coincides with a loved one being diagnosed.  Why would we study something so bleak unless we had to?

Because cancer today is not the same death sentence it was years ago.   Survival rates for many types of cancer have increased over the last few years.

That is improvement!  That gives hope!  I am not scientific in my every day thinking but I sure respect the people who are.  Daily they search, test, measure and grow possible cures for cancers.  Increased survival rates shows they are on the right track.  I hope more breakthroughs come soon.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not trying to paint a rosy picture of dealing with cancer today.  It is still a difficult road.  I can not attempt to offer “dazzling” facts to mitigate the sadness and pain often associated with cancer.  When someone close to us is dealing with it, we just want it to go away.

I can, however, encourage you to watch the film and take in information.  Hear about the research, the break throughs and success stories.  Grasp on to hope that treatments will continue to be discovered and cancer patients will not be troubled with so many side effects.  Maybe there will be something in the film that speaks to your heart.  Something that reassures you, you are not alone.  No one is in their battle with cancer.  We are all effected by this “Emperor.”  I hope, together, we can find many more cures.

The PBS film airs March 31st and April 1st, 2015.  Check your local listings for specific details.  Trailer link:

http://links.leukemia-lymphoma.mkt7024.com/ctt?kn=1&ms=MjIyMDE5ODUS1&r=OTk3MzM4NDc2NjgS1&b=0&j=NTIwMTc5Mjk4S0&mt=1&rt=0

Have a week For Getting FULL of Gratitude where ever you may find it!

Gratefully,

Michelle

A Bad Day, Week or Month

A bad day.  Ok.  Everyone has them, I tell myself.  Then it grows into a blah week.  That is ok too.  Not every week is going to be action packed and exciting, right?  Many things in life are actually very mundane and boring; yet they still need to get done.  That week seems to keep expanding.  A bad month?  Well hold right there.  This has been going on longer than I want to admit.  What’s up?  I just feel blah…

Depression.  Shoot.  Here we go again, I realize.

I have struggled with depression for years.  On again and off again.  Sometimes linked to events in my life and sometimes for what seems like no reason.  Out of the blue I will realize a “bad day” has dragged on and on.  While maybe not every single day has been bad, overall my outlook and motivation has really lagged. Then I’ll realize I am depressed, again.  Ugh.

I’ve gone through enough of these times to know they will pass.  Once, when confiding in a girlfriend, I labeled myself as “a highly functioning depressee/ depressor!”  I still have on my smile.  I greet others with warmth and care.  I get (most) things I need to done.  But I have moments where I just don’t care about much.  I have to dig deep and remind myself things are really okay.  I can even feel like a fraud because I will put on a cheerful disposition when inside I’m really empty and sad.

It is hard when you can’t always trust your own feelings.  If I did, when I have been depressed, I’d let a lot more slip.  If I went with my initial feelings when depressed, I’d stay in bed for days on end.  Simply hiding under the covers and searching for comfort in my soft, fuzzy blankets.  When that comfort didn’t appear, I’d feel even worse.  So choose to go to battle and fight back.  Usually it turns into an inner battle raging in my head,  “Snap out of it!  You know this will pass!  Look at all you have to thankful in life!  Aren’t you the one who writes about gratitude?  Take your own medicine!”

“I’m trying!” comes the first reply.  “Yes, I know it will pass but right now it just sucks.”  I battle back.  “Of course I am still thankful for all I have in my life.  I appreciate it and just feel blah right now…  I am trying to take my own medicine, that is why I’m still writing and fighting back!”  All these thoughts get shouted back and forth in my head, sometimes several times a day.

Yet when I am in a depression, it does just suck.  Sometimes I can’t sleep well. Other times all I want to do is sleep.  Sometimes my focus is gone.  Doing the simplest, daily tasks can become challenging.  Try and pick out something to wear (which will make you feel good) when you don’t even care if you shower.  That can be a problem. What’s for dinner?  I don’t know yet.  I can’t seem to focus long enough to determine what I have to cook with.  I’m not even hungry and nothing tastes good so why bother?

Regardless which “symptoms” of depression I’m showing at any given time (and they do vary!) an underlying driver I’ve learned for myself is motivation.  More accurately, lack of motivation.  When I’m depressed, my motivation to do things, anything, goes out the window.  And I’ll sit at that window for hours hoping my motivation will come flying back to me!

Where does motivation come from?  It can be different from person to person.  It can also vary depending on the situation or task to be completed.

Sometimes it is external forces:

• your boss set a deadline  you need to meet
• you want to earn $ to buy some thing
• you like the way you look 5 pounds lighter

Sometimes it is internal forces:

• you feel pride & accomplishment when you meet a deadline
• you want to earn & pay for things on your own
• you want to be healthier & stronger

There are numerous sources of motivation.  What do you do when there seems to be very little motivation to get something done?  Where do you draw from?  Lately I have been searching for these answers since, yes, I’ve been in another bout.  This time I’ve forced myself to consciously grab ahold of something and simply cling.  The other day it was the sunshine.  I sat outside and soaked it up.  A quick power nap did the trick another time (first I worried that my sleepiness was exaggerated blahs yet when I woke up refreshed, I figured I really did need the rest.)  Petting my dog and cuddling have also helped recently.  And my quest continues.

It has to.

This is something that I struggle with again and again.  The best I can do is keep learning tricks and tips to fight back when needed.  I know lots of other people suffer from depression.  While it can be different for each of us, we are all in the same boat sorta speak.  We must continue fighting back.  We must continue to overcome the feelings of blah and hopelessness.

Together, I believe we can.

Have a warm, thankful, motivated week!

Michelle

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving

I’m up early this morning, put the turkey in the oven already, and am enjoying early morning quiet in the house before anyone else wakes up.

The past few days I have been wracking my brain on what to write to show my gratitude this Thanksgiving.  I was searching for something deep, meaningful and inspiring.  You know how when we try too hard, nothing comes?  The more I tired to focus on finding just the right thing to say, words disappeared and my thoughts fell flat.

Then it hit me.

The simplest thing is really the most important right now.

Something I often take for granted.  Something I do naturally, repeatedly without even thinking.

BREATHE.

Take a breath.  Simply.  Effortlessly.  Full of life.

I am so thankful for being alive and able to breathe easily.

I realized this after spending time with a (newer) friend, gabbing non-stop for a few hours.  We both admitted to needing some “girl time” and she allowed some bottled up feelings to come pouring out.  She had loss several family members this past year and was sharing  the impact of those losses.  Suddenly she stopped and said, “Geez.  I’ve been telling you only about sad things.  There is a lot of good going on in life too.”  (While we shifted to more positive topics, she acknowledged that she had needed to talk about the sadness a bit & I was grateful she felt comfortable sharing.)

With the holidays upon us, many will reflect on the past and miss those who have gone before us.  I started thinking of all the people I know right now who are struggling for life.

A niece battling back leukemia (again) wanting to come home

A friend who has dropped off the social map since increasing care to her dying mom

The secretary at school who began retirement “early” when her husband needed quadruple bypass surgery

An elderly neighbor who continues to have dementia issues baffling family as no true diagnosis has been found yet

Every single day there are people fighting for their lives, literally battling sickness striving to become healthy again.  Hospitals full of people who need, and desperately want, to breathe easily.  And it is something I do every day without thinking much about.

I take this simple act of life for granted.

BREATHING.

Deeply.  Slowly.  Again and again.

Without this simple act, none of the other things I enjoy would be possible.  Nothing else would happen.  Everything I am grateful for begins with taking a breath.  I am grateful for the gift of life and the joy of breathing easily.

Our For Getting FULL of Gratitude Questions to Ponder

What are you most grateful for this Thanksgiving?

What would happen if you lost that gift?

Who do you need to share this with or tell them how much they mean to you?

Today is a day where we gather with family and friends… to give thanks… and EAT!  Enjoy the delicious food, the warm atmosphere and even the taxing relatives (we all have one or two…!).

I wish you a Thanksgiving full of gratitude!

Michelle  

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Pink is my favorite color.  Soft, light pink is my absolute favorite.  Yet all shades of pink, especially when they are paired together, make me happy.  When they are used to acknowledge breast cancer, well that is even better!

October has officially  become “Breast Cancer Awareness Month” We see pink everywhere!  The grocery stores, retail stores, NFL teams, TV show hosts, political events, business offices, etc.   I love all the pink!  And all the random places it pops up to support breast cancer.  It is amazing!

It wasn’t always like this.  Prior to the 80’s, women were afraid, embarrassed and ashamed to discuss things “wrong” with their breasts.

 Look at us now, Ladies!  

We have come a long way on this front too!

How many of you have a friend or two who will discuss her boobies, make jokes about her hooters or even openly discuss her breast cancer treatment with you?  It is much more commonplace now and for that I am very grateful.  Even men have become much more aware and willing to discuss this issue (they have too!  This disease affects some of their favorite toys!  And they have had to deal with women they love fighting this disease.).

Breast cancer has affected many people in my life.  My mom, mother-in-law and step-mom have all fought the battle.  My sister-in-law just finished treatment (and is such a strong woman she made the whole ordeal appear like it was not big deal yet I know it was serious).  Friends have gone through treatment and numerous acquaintances have shared their trials and tribulations dealing with breast cancer in their lives.  It seems like this has become the female bonding disease; women go out of their way to support and encourage each other when one of their sisters is fighting the brave battle.

All this “awareness” started with a promise between two blood sisters.  Thirty four years ago, Nancy promised her dying sister, Susan, she would find a cure for breast cancer.  Since then, the Susan G. Komen organization has grown into the largest non-profit source for funding breast cancer research.  It is often hard to think about breast cancer without adding the name Susan G. Komen and the color pink.  Put all three aspects together and we have more global awareness than ever.  That is amazing!

Recent facts from The American Cancer Society state:

• More than 2.9 million US women with a history of breast cancer were alive on January 1, 2013.  Some of these women were cancer-free, while others still had evidence of cancer and may have been undergoing treatment.
• In 2013, an estimated 232,340 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed among women,
• In 2013, approximately 39,620 women are expected to die from breast cancer

While 39,620 is a much smaller number than 232,340, that is still too many women passing.  Much progress has been made, yes, but more still needs to be done.

For the past 5 years, I have participated in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk, and every year I hear a heartbreaking story about someone who has died from this disease.  One year is was the Navy Seal who had lost his wife.  He and his buddy were doing the walk in “full gear” with backpacks weighing about 70 lbs!  When I finally caught up to him to offer condolences, I was amazed how supportive and complimentary he was to all us female walkers.  “Walking 3 Days like this is harder than things I have done.” he said.  (I don’t believe him & am grateful he does what he does to keep us safe!).  One year it was a husband who had lost his wife and was walking in her memory.  At the last minute, his grown son and daughter surprised him and joined him on the walk.  Then there was the 80 year old grandma walking with her granddaughter in memory of their daughter/mother.  You just can’t help feeling touched when surrounded by people who want to help end breast cancer.  The stories are amazing.

I am grateful so many people are more aware of this disease.  I am grateful it is no big deal seeing a bald woman out and about.  You know what I mean.  How many times have you seen a lady with a beanie or scarf tied on her head and you figure she is dealing with breast cancer?  See?  It is more of an every day occurrence than we realize.   I hope she no longer feels isolated or alone.  I hope she feels compassion, support and love from many sources.  When I see women in this situation,  I it is a positive sign.  We have learned more about breast cancer and understand treatments needed to fight it off.

The Susan G. Komen organization may have been formed out of sisterly love, yet I believe it continues on today due to compassionate humanity.  There is still work to be done, research and cures to discover.  While we can celebrate the progress and successes, we still need to fight.

Our For Getting FULL of Gratitude Questions to Ponder this week:

How has breast cancer touched your life?

Who can you offer love and support to as they go through treatment?

What aspect of your health do you want to be more grateful for?

Join me in October & enjoy the pink!  It is all around us!  Take action and do something to support breast cancer awareness:

• make a meal for someone going through treatment
• find a walk to participate in
• support someone else raising funds to do the 3 Day walk themselves (each participant has to raise a minimum of $2,300)
• Or donate to me!

I didn’t plan on asking for financial support in this post yet doing the 3 Day walk for 5 years now has decreased my embarrassment asking for donations!  If you desire, go to:  www.the3day.org.  Click “Donate” and enter “Michelle Cruz”. (You may have to click on “San Diego” too.)

Any amount is greatly appreciated!  We WILL find a cure.

FULL of pink gratitude this week,

Michelle

Head cold? or Allergies?

 

Sunday I spent the day on the couch.

Not really by choice.

Seems every year around this time, even though San Diego does not have defined seasons, I get a cold/allergies.  Any of the following happen: my nose gets stuffed up, throat feels raw, eyes itch, head feels a bit in a daze and overall I just don’t feel quite right physically.  Sometimes I blow my nose for days on end and then one morning it is gone.  Sometimes my throat gets scratchy and just when I’m going to call the doctor, I wake up and it is fine.  These symptoms come and go, on and off, enough so that I always forget how I felt until the next fall and it hits me again.

Sunday I woke up with all these symptoms plus no energy.  I couldn’t focus or concentrate on anything.   You know how sometimes when you don’t feel so hot if you keep going eventually the feelings fade and you do all right for the day?  That’s what I was trying.  After fighting it for a few hours I gave in; called “Uncle!” and planted myself on the couch.  Within ten minutes I was asleep.  All afternoon I watched mindless TV and snoozed on and off.  By evening I felt a bit better yet decided to go to bed early.  I was hopeful the next morning I would wake up feeling much better.

So how did I muster feeling of gratitude out of this situation?

Several ways.

My body needed sleep so my little cat naps throughout the day were valuable.  Lying on the couch also gave my mind a rest.  I let it  wander to thoughts I usually gloss over.   I took stock of how I normally feel physically well and that is lucky.  Health is one topic most people take for granted until it is compromised in some way.  I am very grateful that I don’t have to battle a chronic illness.   Many others do and my heart goes out to them.  Or what about an illness that comes and goes such as arthritis?  Not knowing from day-to-day if your body will feel well enough to do the things you want to do.  I am blessed  not having to deal with something like that.

I also realized how much I appreciate sound sleep.  At first, even though I was tired, I could not get comfortable.  I tossed and turned on the couch.  Being able to sleep soundly and wake up feeling refreshed is truly a gift.

I became grateful for my patience.  Although, they were pretty darn thin on Sunday when I didn’t feel so great!   When I asked the boys to do something, I expected it done right away.  When they did not comply, I saw how lenient I usually am with them.  (Note to self:  Not necessarily a good thing!).  Several times I bit my lip when someone asked me where to find something or what to do about a problem.  Mean, sarcastic comments raced to the tip of my tongue and I clamped my mouth shut  realizing it was just because I wasn’t feeling well that it bothered me so much.  Instead of hopping up and finding the item or “solving” the problem for them, I asked questions, remained silent and let them work it out.  (Another note to self:  They did all right.  Perhaps I need to step back more often…sounds like a new topic for another post!)

With a lack of energy, everything got prioritized quickly.  Only something that HAD to be done got done on Sunday.  Everything else could wait a day or two.  You know what was interesting?  There was very little that actually HAD to be done right away.  Amazing.  With such a short “to-do” list, I would have had extra time to lounge on the couch even if I didn’t feel good.  That made me reflect on the fact we tend to put more stress and emphasis (a.k.a. pressure) on things that can be done but do not have to be done right away.   Feeling under the weather for the day put things back into perspective for me.  Rushing to get things done can be really foolish.  If I prioritize correctly, there is more than enough time to get things done; the things which truly matter.

Monday morning I woke up and blew my nose.  Okay…it is definitely stuffed up but my head feels clearer and I can focus.  Good!  Today I feel better!

If I had not been sitting down when I read my devotional, I would have fallen over.

Crazy as it may sound, it actually said, “Accept each day as it comes to you.  By that I mean not only the circumstances of your day but also the conditions of your body.”  Are you kidding me, Lord?  “…the conditions of (my) body?!”

“On some days your circumstances and your physical condition feel out of balance…” (they sure were on Sunday)  “Days like that present a choice between two alternatives giving up or relying on Me.  Even if you wrongly choose the first alternative, I will not reject you.  You can turn to me at any point and I will help you crawl out of the mire of discouragement.  I will infuse My strength into you moment by moment…” Really, Lord?  So even if I choose incorrectly at first, you will still be there to love me?  And you will give me the strength I need?

How could I go wrong then?!

I felt grateful for the reminder God was giving me.  He knows what I need even before I do.  He knew I needed a day on the couch and time to reflect.  And that is how being sick brought me gratitude!  Thank you for the rem,inders, God!

 

This week’s For Getting FULL of Gratitude Questions to Ponder:

• When was the last time you truly rested?
• What has you rushing around feeling things HAVE to get done right now?
• Is every single one of those things really important?
• Which ones can be left undone?
• What are you most grateful for about your body?
• What can you do today to take care of yourself?

 

Now go and do it!  I wish you a week full of little gratitude reminders!

Warmly,

Michelle